Lessons from starting a new season

Well, I feel a little bit like there have been so many lessons learned in this new season, that I’m not quite sure where to start. My hope in this post is simply that sharing what I’m learning with you will encourage you, wherever you’re at in your life – to remind you that while life can be hard, you’re not alone, and God is faithful.

Alright, here we go – bullet list style.

Lesson 1 // Oreos are good for grief.

The first day my kids were both back in school, I cried until lunch time. It’s not like I can’t be away from my kids – I love a weekend away with my husband, or an afternoon to myself when the kids are with their grandparents. It was more that, like Joey says so eloquently in Friends, “it’s the end of an ERA!”.

It just happened so fast. Weren’t my kids just babies? And weren’t we going to homeschool for longer than this? Wasn’t I supposed to have more time with them? Did I do enough? Are they ready? Am I?

And now I’m crying again.

You guys, my kids were ready. If anything, honestly, I was holding them back. They are doing wonderfully at school, making friends, enjoying classes, becoming even more of who they are instead of disappearing like I feared they would. They are incredible – I’m so stinking proud of them, and I’m thrilled to watch them grow in their new spaces.

The problem was me. (Isn’t it always?!)

I’d have a good day where I was enjoying my new freedom, and then the next day I would be so sad that I was not able to do a single thing except drink tea and scroll instagram. I have eaten a lot of Oreos, on both kinds of days. I miss my kids, but also…

…I realized I don’t know who I am without them here.

And that, my friends, is not healthy.

So one day at a time, I’m relearning that. I’m grieving a bit, and eating a few Oreos, and praying a lot, and sort of figuring out who I am and asking God what He has for me in this new season. Because I just don’t know yet.

Change is hard, and even though I knew this one was coming, I still felt blindsided by it. Sometimes peace comes all at once, and sometimes it comes slowly, bit by bit. This is more of a bit by bit season for me, which means…

Lesson 2 // Patience is required.

I sat in the car this morning and told my son, who was upset about something that hadn’t gone right in school, “Sometimes things just take time.”

And God was like, “Mmhmm…are you listening to yourself?!”

By nature, I am a productive person. I like checking things off my list and moving on to the next thing. And here in this season, my life is just…not like that. I feel the need to stay still, to sort through all the things that I have just kinda brushed under the rug for the last few busy busy years, and finally deal with them.

Sometimes, things just take time.

I’m not doing anything fast right now. I’m baking bread, which takes hours. I’m cooking for half the day, which I actually really enjoy. I’m going on walks without an endpoint, and talking with God. I still have to get my work done, don’t get me wrong, but for the most part, God just has me moving slowly through each day.

The productive part of me does not like it.
The years-of-exhaustion part of me loves it.

Sometimes, things just take time. Maybe we’d all do ourselves a favor to slow down and be patient with the way our own bodies and minds process change. Or maybe it’s just me.

Lesson 3 // It’s possible I liked control a little more than I thought I did.

It is no secret I’m a bit of a control freak, but honestly, I’ve done a lot of work in that area and I thought I was getting a lot better.

Until, that is, I had to send my children to someone else all day and just hope they come back to me in one piece.

Some of you moms who are used to traditional schooling are probably laughing at me because this is totally normal for you, and teachers are wonderful, and there are so many good things about this life. And some of you homeschool moms are probably saying “how could you send your kids to school!?” Which I also get.

But here’s the thing: We’ve tried out school before, in a season where the person who needed it was ME. I realized my mistake – it wasn’t a good fit for THEM – and we pulled them back home. But in this season, school is for THE KIDS, not for me. And I knew that God was asking me to pry open the tight grip I’d had on my kids so that they could grow beyond me.

The prying is painful. That’s all I can say. Lord help me when they go to college. I may need to buy Oreos in bulk.

This season has brought me to my knees in prayer more than any other. When I can’t control every aspect of their lives – their friendships, their education, their faith, their daily schedule – I am left with one thing: trusting God alone.

Let me be clear – I wasn’t consciously TRYING to control all of those things before, in fact, I actually highly value my kids being independent and self-sufficient. But this transition showed me that many of my decisions, many of my assumptions, many aspects of our daily lives, were grounded in fear.

Letting them go a little bit has shown me how tight my grip was. Loosening it up a little has been vital for all of us – for my kids to grow into the people God has made them to be, and for me to trust Him with their lives (and confront my own fears).

Lesson 4 // God is faithful, and He always provides.

Honestly, this is the recurring theme of my life – God’s faithfulness and provision. Every day, even on days where I’m spiraling, we have all we need. He goes with my kids each day, and He goes with me. He is God, and I am not. He knew what our family needed, and He’s been so very patient with me as I wrestle with the difference between what I wanted, and what He knew we needed.

His way is always better than mine. I do know this, deep down. But some things take time, and thankfully, God is faithful to walk us through all of it.

We are now one month in and finding our way a bit better. We make lunches every Sunday, we protect our Friday Movie Nights at home, and we’re getting used to getting out of the house so early each morning.

And also? My relationship with the kids has improved. I’m a better mom to them. No longer do I feel on edge all the time, tired and overextended. No longer do I need to put headphones in to get just a few minutes of quiet – necessary for my own sensitive nervous system.

Instead, we talk on every car ride, we do every part of our evenings together, I’m excited to tuck them in (instead of trying to escape because by that part of the evening I’m so done) and spend time chatting with them, I get to make cookies and cheer them on and speak life and truth into the situations they are dealing with – I am no longer the situation they are dealing with.

And I think God knew we all needed that.

I still don’t know what my days are going to look like yet, but I’m okay with that – God will be faithful to lead me into the next right thing. He is faithful, and He provides all we need.

Phew. This was a vulnerable post, but I hope it encourages you in some way. We are all faced with new seasons (especially ones we’re not exactly excited about) multiple times in our lives, and I think it’s helpful to know that other people struggle too. Not a single one of us has it all together, that’s God’s job. Ours is just to be honest about where we’re at, and turn our eyes and hearts back to him as He leads us home.

If you feel like being vulnerable too, I’d love to hear what YOU’VE learned from starting a new season in your own life. Share with us in the comments below!