The Day We Got Kicked Out Of The Library
In our town, the library has weird hours on certain days. For instance, on Fridays, it doesn’t open until 1pm.
This may seem like no big deal to you, but if you have young kids who still nap, you know that good behavior between naptime and bedtime is like a flying unicorn. Nonexistent.
So, when we walked into the library at 4pm on a Friday afternoon, I really should have known how things would go. Honestly, I shouldn’t have gone in at all.
But, you see, our books were overdue. I’m that person who checks out 30 picture books at a time, and then keeps them forever and forgets to return them. Also, I had requested books that I needed to pick up, and if I didn’t pick them up that day, they would send them back to their original libraries and charge me a dollar PER BOOK as a “reshelving fee”. (I find this ridiculous, but whatever.) I had no interest in paying that. I had no choice but to go to the library…in the afternoon…on a Friday.
(I like to tell the nice ladies behind the library desk that I fully believe in the power of books in the lives of our children, and am making it my mission to support the library financially. But really, figuring out all the intricacies of returning, requesting, and picking up books is just too much for me.)
So, that fateful Friday, I had 30 books that were due, and this time I was determined not to have to pay any late fees. I loaded the kids up into the car, talked up our trip to the library, and went over the rules for when we got there. “The library is a quiet place. We use our whisper voices. There’s no yelling in the library.”
The children looked back at me with angel faces and nodded their understanding. Yes. We can do this. We will be just fine.
We parked, and I unloaded the children and the books. Nathan went in the stroller because I still have not mastered juggling 30 books and two kids. We slipped the old books through the return slot outside of the library, and everyone was happy. Calm. Quiet, even.
And then we walked through the library doors.
IMMEDIATELY, Emmy begs to go play on the computers in the kids section. (We have a rule about this. I do not let my children enter the library and head straight for the electronics. The library is for reading. Novel concept, I know.) I tell her no, and I can see the storm brewing on her face. But one look from me, and she pulls it together. Crisis averted.
We head on over to the stacks of requested books (literally three feet from the door) and find the ones with our name poking out on a slip of paper. THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM. Suddenly I realize what has happened. Instead of trickling in one-by-one, like they usually do, ALL of my requested books have shown up at once. There are 32 of them. I am in trouble.
I start trying to load the books into the stroller and my library bag and they will not fit. I give a few to Emily to hold, and then a few to Nathan, as well.
This is the point where Nathan snaps to attention and realizes that he is STRAPPED INTO A STROLLER LIKE A PRISONER!! So, of course, he starts yelling at me to get “OH!! NAH!! DAH!!”
The thing you should know about Nathan is that his speech is a little delayed. He doesn’t have that many words yet, which frustrates him. So, when he is already frustrated about something like being strapped into the stroller, he tries to tell me by yelling a string of “words” that make no sense. His rule of thumb seems to be, “If you can’t say it right, say it LOUDER.”
Well, I can’t let Nathan out of the stroller, because I am juggling 32 books that need to be checked out. And our library uses these self-checkout computers, so I have to do it all myself. So, I try my best to quiet Nathan, who is having none of it, and I rush over to check out my books. Thankfully, in the stack, I find a book with Cookie Monster on the cover, and give that to Nathan, which pacifies him for about 4.2 seconds.
I scan my card, and the computer alerts me that I cannot check out any more books because I have to pay my fines first. So, like the library delinquent that I am, I sulk over to the nice ladies at the desk to pay my fine. Nathan has gone back to looking at the Cookie Monster book, and things are looking up.
We traipse back over to the self-checkout computers, where I left my giant stack of books, and I start to scan them all over the magical magnetic pad. Emmy is SUPER EXCITED to help me with this, until she’s not, and then she decides that twirling around the checkout area is a much better use of her time. Also, Nathan is now done with Cookie Monster and has decided that he wants a cookie. Makes sense.
So there I am, simultaneously scanning books and calming my cookie-less child and grabbing my twirler from running into the people who are walking in and out of the library doors. This requires more than two hands, but I only have two, so something has to go.
I decide to ignore Nathan, who is only yelling at me for attention, and focus my energy on scanning all of the books and keeping Emily from tripping all of the library patrons. We are in the children’s section of the library, and people there understand that sometimes two year olds are loud, and I am trying my best to GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE anyways.
I have two books left to scan when the computer comes up with another alert. This time, I have checked out too many books, and cannot check out anymore. Which is all well and good if I had planned to just pick the books up from the shelf in the kids section. But no, I had requested them online, which means they were brought here through the very expensive library delivery service that charges you if you don’t pick them up. So, I have to walk back over to the nice ladies behind the counter and confess to them my shame. I had ordered too many books, and can I please return these without getting charged?
I say this in my nicest, sorriest voice, and the nice library lady looks at me with kind eyes and I think everything might be okay. That’s when the mean library worker comes down from upstairs to tell me that I am ruining the library experience for everyone upstairs. He is no older than a college student, and my bet is that he does not have kids.
“Ma’am”, he says, which makes me want to slap him because I AM ONLY 31, KID. DO NOT CALL ME THAT. “I’m getting complaints from the patrons upstairs that your son is ruining their library experience. Can you please quiet him down?”
I start breathing out of my nose then.
I look at him with my angry mom face and refrain myself enough to just say, “I’m working on it. If I could just get some help with this one last thing, I could leave. I’m really trying to get out of here.” And I try to smile apologetically.
This is apparently not enough for the college kid who knows everything, because he gets down in Nathan’s face and says, “You are not behaving. You need to be quiet now.”
I’m immediately reminded of our crazy Target experience and am about to jump in between him and my son, but before I can move a muscle, Nathan sticks his head out, right in that college kid’s face, and yells at him, “GO!” (his version of “no”) and shakes his head back and forth furiously.
Emily chooses that moment to twirl right into the library worker with the kind eyes. Her eyes change then.
That is also the moment when they kick us out of the library.
I did the walk of shame out of those library doors, dragging my children and their books along with me, and I have not been back since. Those books I checked out are waaaaaaay overdue now, and I’m pretty sure I still have to pay that stupid reshelving fee for those two books I couldn’t check out, but oh well. I cannot show my face there for at least another few weeks.
I was (and still am) totally mortified. I don’t know that I’ve ever been that embarrassed in public by my kids. Embarrassment generally results in yelling for me, so my default would have been to yell at the kids for misbehaving as soon as we got into the car.
But I’d just finished reading a book that my friend had sent me. The story of a woman who made it her life’s mission to choose joy in the midst of actual, serious, life-ending pain. As I loaded the kids & the books into the car, I was reminded of Sara, and her story. How she took the most difficult of circumstances, and found a way to turn them around. To bless others with her kindness, joy, and love, instead of welcoming pity and grief. And in remembering her story, I was humbled as I got into the car with my kiddos. Was this situation really that awful? And did I want to bless my kids with my words, or break them down?
As I reflected more, I realized that I was really embarrassed because I was afraid those library workers thought I was a terrible mom with kids who were constantly out of control. But that’s not the truth. They saw me and my kids for ten minutes, not the entirety of our lives together. They only know this one incident, not the times when Emily tucks Nathan into his bed before she gets up in the morning, or when Nathan shares his apple slices because he knows his sissy likes them too. They only saw this one day, in the middle of a million days.
The library incident could have ended much worse. I could have yelled and expressed my anger and embarrassment loudly, and my kids might have always remembered that. But that wouldn’t have been fair to my kids, because that would have been about MY issues, not theirs. That would have been about me, feeling judged and embarrassed and trying to overcompensate and prove that I’m a good mom by whipping my kids into shape. That is not how I want to mother, and I’m so grateful that God stopped me before I opened my mouth.
Thankfully, we were able to have a calm, productive discussion about what went wrong at the library, and what we should do next time.
I am trying, lately, to focus on the big things, the things that matter, instead of getting caught up by the little things that so often trip me up. I’m trying to choose joy in the situations that don’t seem to warrant it, and be a blessing to my children, teaching them and training them in love and gentleness. It is HARD. It goes against every fiber of my human being. But it’s worth it. I’m reminding myself that it’s worth it.
My hope is that, in twenty years, when my kids look back on their lives, they won’t remember this one incident at all. Instead, they’ll remember a lifetime of a mom who tried her best to speak gently, correct firmly, and love them well through it.
So today, when you’re embarrassed in public by the tiny people that are running around your shopping cart, remember this. There is not just one day that defines our motherhood. It’s a marathon of teaching and training and correcting and encouraging. Today is one small snippet in a lifetime of raising these kids. They might mess up today and surprise you with kindness tomorrow. And we need just as much grace as they do. Thank goodness for Jesus, who extends His grace in full supply!!
And also, maybe just stick to taking your kids to the library in the morning. I know we will. (If I ever get the courage to go back to that place.)
Your Turn! Share your most embarrassing kid moment in the comments below!!
P.S. If you want to check out the book I mentioned above,
it just released yesterday, and it’s SO VERY GOOD!!
I’d recommend it to every woman I know.
Sara’s story will change you.
And my friend Mary does a phenomenal job of
putting it all together. Get it here!
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Kayse Pratt serves Christian women as a writer + designer, creating home + life management resources that help those women plan their days around what matters most. She’s created the most unique planner on the market, helped over 400 women create custom home management plans, and works with hundreds of women each month inside her membership, teaching them how to plan their days around what matters most. When she’s not designing printables or writing essays, you’ll find Kayse homeschooling her kids, reading a cheesy novel with a giant cup of tea in hand, or watching an old show from the 90’s with her husband, who is her very best friend.
Thank you for sharing. I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’ve had some frustrating library experiences too (but without the littles). I would also like to learn not to YELL so thank you for the book suggestion!
I had to laugh when I read this because I have SO many stories of how my kids have humiliated me in public with their behavior. One of my favorites (I can laugh about it now) is when my 10 year old son was around 5. All of my kids bad behavior usually takes place at the grocery store. We were on our weekly grocery outing, in the produce section. You know the hoses that sit just inside the produce bins to spray the fruits and veggies? My son had picked it up out of it’s tray and it fell to the floor. I had to find someone and tell them what happened so it could be put back properly. The employee was a little annoyed. The VERY next week, same thing happens! Except this time the SAME employee witnesses the whole thing. We got out of the produce section as quickly as we could without saying a word! I was pregnant at the time and I’m sure people were thinking I didn’t have any business bringing more trouble makers into the world.
Oh man I have had plenty. I have two boys, twins. I’m a first time momma. They are very full of energy. Their first ride on a kiddie canoe they were kicked off because they would not keep their hands in the boat. In fact the more they were yelled at by us and the worker to stop the more they began to splash. Mine are very head strong both delayed speakers as well. It’s tough but you helped give me some perspective. Thank you so much!
I have never commented on a blog post before, but I had to comment on this. I am so sorry that you were treated that way!! As a mother of 2 boys, I have definitely been there. Our embarrassing library experience happened while we were living in Colorado. They had a wonderful 2 story library in our town. At the time, my boys were 4 and 1. I was pushing my 1 year old in the stroller while my 4 year old was happily playing at the Lego table. I looked away for a couple seconds and all of a sudden, the fire alarm is going off! Everyone has to evacuate! My 4 year old had pulled an alarm that was conveniently located near the Lego table! I scooped him up as everyone trickled out to the parking lot. The fire department came to check the building and gave everyone the ok to re enter. I was on the receiving end of disapproving glances. I profusely apologized to everyone, including the firefighters. From then on, I kept an obsessive eye on my eldest, as he has always been a “button pusher” — like he has no self control when there is a shiny button. He is now 15 , and in my humble opinion, is brilliant , and wants to be an engineer 🙂 Take heart— this too shall pass.
Please know I am giving you a cyber hug right now! Thank you! Thank you for being my second sweet reminder of grace this week. I have struggled this week with my 3 truly wonderful but rambunctious boys. I’m learning to show them grace and mercy the way in the midst of chaos the way God shows me grace and mercy everyday. This blog post described a day in my life to a T! Wow! Lol!? May God bless you and your family. ❤
This is such a crazy story!!! So I have worked at a library for 2+ years now.
1. We do not have overdue fines until your book is SIXTY DAYS overdue, and even then you’re all good if you just return it.
2. I have never even heard of a reshelving fee. That’s absolutely ridiculous.
3. They should have helped you check out your books.
4. That guy should have backed off.
5. That is SO NOT a situation that my library system would EVER KICK SOMEONE OUT FOR?!? Like, we kick someone out if they are screaming at another patron or at us for an extended period of time. If they are passed out drunk on the floor. If they are cursing like sailors and don’t stop after being warned.
Not if they are trying to handle kids and 32 books. Ummm no. Wouldn’t happen.
Good job with the way you handled it!!!! 🙂
You handled that very well. I would love to contact the library on your behalf. That was awful. They should have helped you not add fire to the fuel. Please go back and hold your head high!! Please Pray for those awful people who should NOT work there!!
Sounds like the library owes you an apology. They saw you were struggling with the self checkout and the kids and should have stepped in to help. Even Walmart does that and they usually have terrible service.
All I have to say is WOW!! Wow for how you were treated, that’s a despicable way to treat a stressed mom and her two kiddos. The reshelving fee is just so foreign a concept to me, I get overdue fines, but that fee is just SILLY! This isn’t blockbuster, it’s a library ? Also, wow for how YOU reacted!! Because honestly I can’t say I would have done the same…unless God quite literally glued my lips. Lol! Reading I was like, They what? He What?! Getting in little Nathan’s face? Oh hunny that’s a hard NO. You don’t know me, you don’t know my kid, and you definitely don’t look or act like you have any of you own so back up son or momma bear will step up. (See what I mean about not feeling I’d react as well?) I’m not even sure I’d ever step foot back into that library either. Not without having first notified the head honcho of their employee’s behavior and situation and getting an apology. I can’t believe that they would be ok with an employee acting as that young man did. You handled that all with such beauty!! I pray, should I ever be in a similar situation, I remember your story and the grace you found in the heat of the moment and dig for that grace in my heated moment. God Bless you beautiful Momma!! You are an inspiration ??
I’m so sorry for the experience you had with your local library. We’ve all been there as moms and I am on the other side as a library worker. This was not handled in the way I would have. They should have offered you assistance with checking out your books. As for the reshelving fee, at our library it’s $2 which helps cover the cost of postage to return the books to their homes ?
Be blessed
The title of your post intrigued me. Mostly because I’ve wondered if/when I would get kicked out of our library. Our library is open three days a week while school is out. Only one of those days is in the morning – small town. It is common for my kids to go running around the library if we have stayed there too long. I have two that are mobile. So, I catch one and then I have to catch the other one and hope that the first stays or try and have two while caring the non-mobile one. However, thankfully that only happens once in a while and they have gotten better, but I have been told that I need to keep my kids in line and that I need to watch them more carefully so that they don’t say: take the dirt out of the fake plants and put it on the ground.
All in all it was a good reminder that, yes kids act up but our response makes a world of difference. Thanks!
I love this story. As a mother of *multple* children myself, I can totally identify. Something I’ve learned: it’s okay to ask for help. I know not everyone is a good person and trustworthy, but other moms and grandmas nearby are often ready to help at a moments notice! I totally would have offered to help, but most people will wait for you to ask. Blessings!
I empathize with your terrible day.. It would have been a better idea if one if those nice Library peeps would’ve come over to help speed the process OR maybe help redirect your daughters energy so she isn’t in anyone way or hurt someone or maybe Gosh I don’t know…but to stand there & watch you struggle is just awful & I appauld your habit of changing how you see the bigger picture & try ” not sweat the small stuff” THAT is a lesson/habit I’m still working on myself. .. & im older than 31..?
Love this story! Sounds like you must be one amazing mommy with kids that are happy enough to express themselves! My favorite stories of my kids are ones like this!
So sorry about the experience! I would definitely write an e-mail to the library director along with a few suggestions as to how to make the library more family friendly. I absolutely hate self-check out stations at libraries. As a mom with three young kids in tow, it is MUCH easier to have someone else do the check out while I keep an eye on my children. I have suggested this at a couple of libraries and it has always been received well.
Oh Kayse, you handled this beautifully, like a well-seasoned mom. One instance of complete mortification (is that a word?) which gives me much empathy occurred recently as we also did a “late walk of shame” into school one morning. To make matters worse, the principal was sitting in the lobby. I tried to slink by unseen, but he saw us and in his booming voice said, “GOOD MORNING, NATALIE”!, while checking his watch to ensure it was really still morning…..Natalie was grumpy, one reason that made us late and she did NOT want to say good morning to Mr. Spencer, who looked at her expectantly. I told her to say good morning in a stage whisper voice. She was not having it. I “commanded” her to say good morning….still no greeting. Tried the whisper again, this time in “clenched-teeth” mode. Uh Uh. Mr .Spencer just kept looking and smiling. I felt the blood boiling in my cheeks. So I took her outside the door and had a long conversation about how it is polite to say good morning. This “good morning greeting” exercise, or lack thereof, was preventing us all from checking her into her class. But I was determined to have my way and have her say good morning to the principal. So back into the office we go, and I nudge Natalie….crickets. So in a loud voice to match Mr. Spencer’s, I say….”NATALIE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY”! (No, I could not just sign her in and quietly fade away like most normal mothers). At that point, the entire front office stops and all the ladies look up from their desks and Mr. Spencer continues to smile. Natalie opens her mouth and I begin to relax… smiling expectantly ….and the child says, “Well, “SHE” (whacking the lady who gave birth to her in the ribs) WANTS ME TO SAY GOOD MORNING – and IT’S ALL “HER” IDEA”! And at that point, I realize Natalie has outsmarted us all. I stand completely mortified with my mouth open….in the front office with everyone frozen in a smile, even Mr. Spencer. Time stands still as we listen to about 4 ticks of the wall clock. The school nurse finally rescues us, swings out of her office and say’s matter of factly, ” Natalie, let’s get you to class. Come with me”, as I stand dumbfounded in the office. Frozen to the floor. Mouth still open. I needed to find a way to leave and then Mr. Spencer kindly says, “Don’t worry, Paige. It happens to us all. At least you tried”. Whew! So we all have those “library” moments and luckily they are just temporary, a blip of embarrassment in a sea of otherwise great moments. (P.S. – My daughter is usually so loving and cheerful….just not always in the a.m., kinda like her mother)!
I always thought kids who acted out in public had to be so undisciplined at home…until I became a mom. 🙂 God truly humbled me with more than one screaming kid incident in the stores, and I realized it’s just the sinful nature of our adorable kiddos to act that way in public on occasion no matter how much training they’ve had. And I’m really surprised as well that a library would make you feel the way they did. Great job handling it well!
Nice story! May God bless you and your kids. Get back in the library and let your daughter and son play all they want.
Just wanted to tell you that we don’t have a million days to live on earth. We have, at the max, about 37000 days, if we live well past 100! That’s close to 4% of a million.
So, we were staying in a VERY nice hotel on the beach, for a business conference for my husband. With a very sensitive 2 year old & 7 month old, I really should have just stayed home. But, I REALLY wanted to stay in that nice hotel that we could never, ever afford ourselves. We told my son that we were going to the beach, which he translated as going to someone named “Beach’s” house. Hence, he thought all employeres of the hotel were named Beach. Which I was able to keep on the down low until we walked into the restaurant for breakfast & the sweet hostess asked my son what he wanted to eat. He yelled, “I want pancakes, Beach!” Only it didn’t sound exactly like he said “beach.” Everyone turned and stared at us. Mortification doesn’t even begin to cover it!
Oh Jennifer! ? I cracked up reading this! I don’t even know what I would have said or done. At least we all know the truth lol ?
Hi Kayse,
Just wanted to share my embarrassing (and kind of sad) story. When my youngest son was 4 years old, I attempted to take him to a well known hair cutting place. It was the 3rd time that we had been, been told we’d be seen in 15 minutes and then left after being ignored for 45 minutes (the first time, I was with all three of my kids. Hubby was deployed). He is very active and loves to play (as do most 4 yr olds, though he is now 7). It was fine for the first 30 minutes- until a little friend came in from his play group. Then all you know what broke loose. He was showing off, being loud, etc. When it came to the point that he was hyped up, I went to the lady at the front desk and asked why it was taking so long. She explained they had perm appointments- I was a tad annoyed and reminded her that she gave me a 15 minute time frame. I walked over to one of THREE stylists sitting there chatting with their clients who were waiting for product to set and asked if they could take 15 minutes to cut my son’s hair. One gal got up and said, “Sure, she won’t be done for another 30 minutes”. That kind of put me over the edge. Anyway, I got my son (who was running around me in circles) and he got his hair cut. Later that day, I had taken all of my kids to the mall and their babysitter runs out of a store and shows me that some random teenager who was in the hair place videoed my kid, put it on the internet, and talked about “beating a kid like that”. Holy cow. My babysitter knew the girl and gave me her parents contact info. My then 9 yr old said, “you should call the cops- she’s a cyber-bullying a little kid”. When a 9 yr old gets it, you know the teenager is in some serious need of discipline herself. Anyway, I didn’t call the cops but I did call the mom. We had a great conversation and asked her if she would “beat her kid for being an obnoxious bully”. It was terrible. Apparently, the video had over 500 views before I even knew about it. Sadly, a few kids at the school who knew our family decided to get back at the girl- not at all what I would ever want. Though it was nothing physical, it wasn’t necessary as she humbled herself enough to come over and apologize (in tears) for her actions. I attempted to contact the hair cutting place (corporate) and they never got back to me…ah well- all three of my kiddos are well-adjusted, hilarious, and smart homeschooled people 🙂
I’m so sorry about your experience! That man needs to learn some better customer service skills. Libraries are for everyone, even for kids who are still learning how to behave in them. It’s not like you were just hanging out and letting Nathan wail away for the foreseeable future. You were trying to get in and out as quickly as possible! That’s difficult with two kids! If it was really causing so much disruption, he could have asked what he could do to help, instead of putting all the blame on you and telling you to fix the situation. He should have seen that you were trying.
I admire the way you handled the situation, and how you were able to talk about it calmly with your kids. (I need to remember that when I want to yell and scream at my kids.) You’re absolutely right that this was just one moment amidst the many moments you spend with your kids. It doesn’t define you and your relationship with them. And it doesn’t make you a bad mother!
I’m currently in school for library science, and I hope to be working as a librarian in the future. In my classes, I’ve learned that we want people to feel welcome in the library. We’re there to serve the community. I feel like that should already be a given for someone who wants to work in a library, but I guess it’s not, given that man’s reaction. I’m so sorry you weren’t treated well.
Also, a $1 reshelving fee?! That’s ridiculous!
I am a Library Director (and long time reader/lurker of your blog) and I am upset on your behalf. At my library, and the other libraries I’ve worked at we always stress customer service. I am SO SORRY you had a negative library experience. I would recommend you email your library director because if one of my employees treated a customer that way I would want to know. Also, most libraries allow renewals by phone or through an online system, so that might help prevent the overdue fines?
And please don’t feel mortified or embarrassed to return – they should be embarrassed for how they treated you – instead of ignoring the problem they should have offered you help!
Goodness! That sounds like a painful experience :/ Sorry, friend.
Also, your library sounds uncool. Reshelving fees? Limits on book check outs? Craziness!
Totally agree!! At my library we technically have a 100 item checkout limit, but for homeschool moms and teachers it’s a lot more. Not that many people get to 100!
Can you believe our library only makes you pay fines for overdue DVDs?! What’s the purpose of having due dates on books? (I mean, I still try to stay close to my days, but really…. I’m not sure how that policy ever came about?)