What 6 Years of Marriage Have Taught Me
I’ve heard it said that 7 years is the magical number. That if your marriage makes it past 7 years, your marriage will last, statistically.
I’ve been a bit anxious to get to 7 years ever since.
Today, Jon and I have been married for 6 years. We’ve lived in 3 different houses, in 3 different cities, and had 2 babies. There have been 3 hospital stays and 2 times we thought that it might be someone’s time to go. There have been a handful of trips and a hundred counseling appointments and thousands of hours of conversation.
I used to think that marriage was IT. You know what I mean? I didn’t date anyone before Jon, and my many years of single anguish led me to think that life would be a whole lot easier once I was married. That all the saving myself and making the right choices and crying myself to sleep when my roommates were out on dates and I was at home, watching Friends, AGAIN, would pay off when I found the man I was supposed to share my life with. That yes, we’d have hard times, and life wouldn’t be perfect, but we’d be MARRIED, and happy, and wasn’t that all I ever wanted in the first place?
It didn’t work out that way for me. Or for Jon. Our marriage got hard almost right after it began. We are both strong-willed sinners, and that can make for some heated arguments. But we had the same choice everyone else does. Bail, or stay together. And we stayed.
In counseling during those first two years, I remember clearly only one thing the counselor said to us.
“These issues need to be worked through. You can choose to work through them together, or work through them alone. But make no mistake, no matter what you decide, these issues will be dealt with. So it’s up to you. Do you want to stay in this and deal with them now, or bail and be in the same place in a few years down the road with somebody else?”
We stayed. And in a world where bailing can often seem easier, through the grace of God, we keep choosing to stay.
What I’ve learned in my meager 6 years of marriage is that marriage isn’t IT, but God IS. God has a way of showing us our sin while restoring us with grace. He binds up wounds and heals broken spirits. He makes marriage work.
I’ve also learned that a husband who will stay and fight through those hard things with you, who will fight for your marriage and your heart, is something to be very, very grateful for.
Jon, thank you for fighting through 6 years of marriage with me. Thank you for staying when it would have been easier to leave, and thank you for loving me even when it’s hard. Thank you for reminding me of the truth of the Bible, and being the provider for our little family. I am so grateful to walk through life with you – there’s no one else I’d rather be with. You’re the most wonderful dad to our crazy kids, and a strong, stable leader for me. I love you. Happy 6!
How has marriage been different than you’d expected?
Kayse Pratt serves Christian women as a writer + designer, creating home + life management resources that help those women plan their days around what matters most. She’s created the most unique planner on the market, helped over 400 women create custom home management plans, and works with hundreds of women each month inside her membership, teaching them how to plan their days around what matters most. When she’s not designing printables or writing essays, you’ll find Kayse homeschooling her kids, reading a cheesy novel with a giant cup of tea in hand, or watching an old show from the 90’s with her husband, who is her very best friend.
I like that you said thought marriage was IT but when u got married you realized that God IS IT
When we are single and sad and lonely hurting and stuff its easy to forget that God IS IT, IS ENOUGH, IS OUR ALL IN ALL
When we just yearn to be loved by another human being
Happy 6 years and wishing you many more to come
Congrats! It seems the statistics forget to look at the WHYs behind it. My husband and I are at 7.5 years and haven’t had a ton of fighting (thanks to the book “Love and Respect” teaching us to respond to each others ugly moments with mercy instead of a need for justice, the Holy Spirit guiding me (in our biggest fight He was strongly telling me to go apologize for my part) & Him teaching me to stop and pray in those rough moments.) Apparently He had a lot of humility lessons for me and still have coming! It seems when we take a focus off making quality time together (both our Love Languages) & go on autopilot instead of continuing to work on marriage, we don’t connect as well. We really struggled to like each other when our first child was born. We have little safeguards that help us- stopping to kiss each other when one of us comes home or leaves, capping how many events out we do each week, and currently trying to keep each other in check with technology use when we are together. When I was in my young 20s I had Disney mentality- you just live happily ever after, but it’s work to have a strong marriage- work at 6 months, work at 60 years. Sadly I know couples at 20, 30 & 45 years of marriage that are crumbling because life struggles, kids, pride, etc eventually took precedent over marriage. It reminds me we always have to be on guard those little wedges creeping in & have to be intentional.
“You can choose to work through them together, or work through them alone.” <–LOVE this! My husband and I have fought a lot too, but we always manage to get through things somehow.
Happy anniversary! I will celebrate 27 years in a few weeks. Oh the stories I could tell. We’ve weathered some fierce storms and haven’t quite come through to the other side yet, but God is at the center and keeps us running to Him. Hugs!