When a season feels too long

Can I be honest for a second? 

I messaged my writing friends this week and asked them what I should write about right now. I feel like all year, all I’ve been able to write is that it’s been a bit of a rough year, and we’re hanging in there, but struggling. And you know what? I just think that might not be the most helpful or encouraging message I could share with you.

Also, I’m tired of it being the truth. 

I feel like I’ve been in this season too long. This season where I am mostly surviving, with the rare days where I feel capable and competent and on top of things scattered only here and there throughout the month. 

Those days sure aren’t the norm right now. And that frustrates me.

I’m bothered that I can’t seem to get ahead of my emotions and weariness. That even though I am making good steps in the right directions – exercising, eating well, getting enough sleep, reading books, talking to people – I still feel stuck in this weird funk. 

All year I have been here. And I feel like a broken record. I don’t want to keep talking about it. I don’t find it encouraging or helpful for anyone. I’m certainly not happy about it myself.

I feel like I’ve been here way. too. long.

Too long to be helpful, or useful, or encouraging. 

Longer than I expected to be here. 

Longer than I feel like I should have been here.

Here’s the thing. Life is not terrible. Life is not even bad! We have a roof over our heads. Healthy kids. A hard-working husband. Enough food on the table. Family and friends who love us. A few things to look forward to on the horizon. Life is good. I have zero things to complain about.

I know this. Which is why this long season feels so frustrating to me. Why can I not just get my head in the game and feel better already?

I told my friends these things. I asked them what to write about while I’m feeling this way.

They said, “Write about that.”

I rolled my eyes. 

And then I said okay.

Because as hard as I try, I just can’t write outside of my season. I write what I know, what I’m walking through, and how I’m processing it. It’s the way I’m wired. 

I also said okay because I wondered if maybe one of you is feeling the same way. Maybe one of you is feeling like your life is fine – good even – and you’re frustrated that your emotions aren’t matching up with the things you see. Maybe you feel like you’ve been stuck in a season for too long.

Maybe I’m not the only one.

So, if that’s you, at least you’ll know you’re not alone. I’m here too. 

And so is God. 

He promises us that He will never leave us or forsake us, and that includes the times when we can’t get our head in the game and our emotions seem to be running our inner lives far more dramatically than we ever wanted them to.

This morning I was reading in Matthew 6, where Jesus talks about not worrying about tomorrow. He mentions the birds of the air and the flowers of the field and how God provides for them everything they need. Everything. He reminds us that we are worth far more to God than birds or flowers, and that His provision for us will exceed even what we see in His creation – and he has provided perfectly and completely for them. Every. Thing. They. Need.

That same passage tells us not to worry about tomorrow, because the Lord will take care of it and He knows what we need.

He knows what we need.

So often my stress and overwhelm and general moodiness come from me trying to do everything myself. Provide for myself and my family. Make sure everyone has everything they need. Think ahead and plan for the worst while hoping for the best. Being all things to all people while running myself straight into the ground.

But Jesus reminds us that all of that is futile. That worrying about tomorrow is pointless because 1) we can’t do a darn thing about it, and 2) we belong to a God who not only knows what it is we need, but delights in providing those things for us.

So maybe we are stuck in a funk. Maybe it is taking longer than we think it should take to get out & get on with life.

But maybe while we are here, we can learn something about taking life one day at a time. About depending on Him to provide for us in a way that only He can. I do not think that it’s by coincidence that the passage about not worrying comes just a few paragraphs after the place where Jesus tells us to pray and ask for our daily bread. Just what we need for the day – that is what we are to pray for. And tomorrow? We are to trust that to Him.

Maybe when we struggle, we remember that He is God and we are not. We depend on Him more because we have no other choice. We cannot save ourselves. We need Him to save us – and we are really able to see that.

It’s true every day, whether we see it or not. We need Him to save us. We might be able to put dinner on the table, clean a room, or even run a business “on our own”, but when it comes to the things that matter – eternity with Christ – that’s something we cannot possibly work hard enough to earn ourselves.

He gives it to us.

He sacrifices Himself for us.

He saves us.

And if He saves us for all of eternity, He will provide what we need for our daily lives, don’t you think?

I am trying to remember this, keeping my Bible open while I’m walking through a season that feels too long. If you are too, I’m praying for you today. And my best encouragement? Keep your Bible open, too.

He saves. He provides. He is not limited by time. ?

In this together,

Kayse