1. Leesi Turcott says:

    Oh sweetie I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through. I’ve been studying James 1 lately and the first paragraph speaks on trials. Last night I couldn’t stop worrying so I focused on each verse in my head. I fell asleep within minutes. I’m praying for you.

    1. Leesi Turcott says:

      I just realized this post is from years ago….. I pray you are fully recovered!

  2. I’m reading this a few months after you posted it, but I will share this:
    my youngest brother died unexpectedly this past summer and it fell on me like a ton of bricks. And stayed there. I felt like a woman who was drowning.
    God began to show me His grace, everywhere. This song by Matt Redman became my anthem:
    I read the book “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. Slowly. And resolved to begin my own list of a thousand blessings in my own life. That changed the way I see everything.
    I moved slowly.
    Some days, I still do.
    But God is good, and you will make it.

    1. Thanks for that song, I hadn’t heard it before. 🙂 And I think slow is good, don’t you? I’m so very sorry about your brother. Thank you for sharing, friend.

  3. Oh, Kayse! What a challenging season! So sorry to hear all of this but rest assured that we are praying AND God has got something up His holy sleeves… Even if you can’t see it now. This will be part of a powerful Mama testimony!

    Love to you from WA, sister.

  4. Kayse,

    My heart goes out to you right now! Can I just say that it is okay to feel wrecked? Your heart is mourning so much right now and it takes time to process all that you’ve been through. When my twins were born premature, I felt so much loss from not being able to carry them full-term, hold them in my arms, and take them home from the hospital immediately. It took me so long to grieve and what I finally realized when I came out of my wrecked-state was that this unexpected trauma had changed me in a beautiful way. I am praying that you take this time to grieve and let others help you and allow yourself to feel all of these raw emotions. Trust that God is good and try not to spend your time regretting what you lost but seeing with fresh eyes what you have gained: two beautiful children, a supporting husband, helpful family and friends, and life itself. Take it easy on yourself, friend!

  5. I’m SO sorry for all you have been through and continue to struggle with! Prayers & virtual hugs coming your way! Praise the Lord for bringing you through – that’s amazing. I know it’s hard when things don’t go according to our plans, but God’s plans are always better (whether we get to see how or not). I “planned” to have at least 3 children, but have only been able to have one (though I have a few more in Heaven). I “planned” to breastfeed my son, but he was born 4 weeks early and had to be tube-fed in the hospital. He was never able to latch after that and even pumping I barely got any milk to come in. He was mostly formula-fed and is a perfectly healthy kid. I am SO blessed for the gifts God has given me and He has been faithful to bring me to a place of contentment in all of it. Continue to trust in Him and He will do the same for you. I hope you are feeling a little encouragement with so many beautiful sisters praying for you.

  6. Praying, praying, praying for you, girl, and wanting you to know you are not a failure in any way. At all. I know it is so hard to not be breastfeeding, but doing the best thing for your body is taking care of your family as well. Rest, let Him have to time and space to heal you, and be wrapped up in HIs comfort and peace. You are loved.

  7. Heather P says:

    So sorry you have been going through so much! Prayers for you to heal and for your family!
    Apparently, God still has plans for you. 🙂

  8. My beautiful friend! I wonder if you’ll appreciate being able to do the dishes after all of this?! I know how much you LOVE doing the dishes. 😉 On a more personal note…I love you! You’re strong because you lean on Him, the Maker of the Mountains and the Healer of our Hearts. His Word is power, comfort, truth and everlasting. Stand on His firm promises in the middle of this shaky circumstance. Wishing I could be near you and your family. Wishing I could bring you some of your favorite meals, play with Emmy and Nate, wash your breastpump paraphernalia, do your laundry or clean your house. PLEASE know that I am lifting you up to our Savior and continue to cling to these words in Isaiah 40, “He will feed His flock like a shepherd. He will gather the lambs in His arms and carry them close to His heart. He will be gentle in leading those that are with young.”…He will feed Nate, He will gather your family and carry you close to Hid heart, and He will lead you and Jon! I LOVE You!

  9. Kayse, You are not a failure just because you are not nursing at this time or that you didn’t move around much after the birth of Nathanial. Right now you are focusing on what has just happened and I understand that because of the pain you are in. I would encourage you to focus on the future and how this hurtle and challenge your going through will pass and down the road you will get stronger and feel less pain. You will get through this! I know you will because we all are getting through the loss of Mom. It is still hard but each day is getting easier and the same will happen with what your going through right now. It will get better. By the grace of God you are alive and can live on. God wants you to raise those kids. And you will, just keep moving forward in taking care of yourself and your whole family will benefit from you. This is a setback that will one day be behind you.
    These trials God has giving you will end up making you stronger than you know. Your faith is strong, lean on that. Your a great Mom!! You were born to be a Mom. You will get through this.
    I love you, Dad

  10. Kayse, I’m so so sorry you’ve gone through such a trial lately. What a beautiful miracle God has revealed to you and through you to others who are witnesses. The way I see it, the enemy meant this for your harm, but God is so much greater and He will bring beauty from this, somehow, someway. I truly believe with all my heart God has you and your beautiful family wrapped safely in the palm of His mighty hand. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…When you feel moments of anxiety or fear start to surface, grab tightly to Psalm 91. Memorize it! Speak it. My husband nearly died from an upper respiratory infection that attacked his heart muscle when he was 38. Doctors told him he would never work again and that he’d need a heart transplant to survive. That was the world’s story, but God’s story was much different. He heard my husband’s steadfast faith and His healing hand did just that, miraculously healed my man’s heart. When the doctors said it wouldn’t happen. God had other plans. Hold tight to your faith, sweet friend. Hold tight.

  11. Praying for you and your family through this difficult time. Just remember, God SAVED you for a reason and you are NOT a failure as a mom! If anything, you just proved your strength. God is your healer and your source. He will provide your answers in motherhood and He knows your heart and its desires.

  12. Ah, Kayse. I’m so sorry to hear about everything you’ve been through. It sounds like it has been an absolute nightmare. I wish I had some wonderful uplifting things to say in response so that I could cheer you up and make you feel better but I’m afraid there isn’t anything that can be said. You mentioned that you feel like you can’t do the basic things you should be doing as a wife and a mother. But all you really need to be doing is taking it easy and recovering. Don’t hold yourself up to such high expectation of what a wife and a mother should be doing. You love your family and thank God you are still around to be able to continue to do that. You are a blessing for sharing your experience and all that you’ve been through. It is a serious reminder to be thankful for what we do have. You’ll make it through this. You’re strong and it sounds like you have a strong support structure around you. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself or get down because you can’t do everything you’d like to be doing. God is in control of this situation and he knows the future he has for you. I wish I could be there to help you out. Please know I’m thinking and praying for you.

    Lots of love sweet thing. xx

  13. Oh Kayse!! First of all, I praise the LORD for preserving your life!!! I saw a few updates on Facebook but had no idea the magnitude of all this!

    Second of all, I hear you beating yourself up–for things that were completely beyond your control. You did not cause this! Please revel in God’s grace and release that guilt. It’s not from Him!

    I leave you with a few posts. Much love and continued prayers!! ~Erin <3




  14. Oh friend, I’m so sorry!! First, pumping sucks. If you decide to stop I totally support that decision… I only made it 7 months at work and then I was DONE with that nonsense. Second of all, I completely relate to feeling like the worst mom ever. Pretty much feel like that most mornings when my kid doesn’t want to get up at the crack of dawn, but she has to because I have to drop her off and let someone else watch her while I go to work. Kills me, every morning. And you are dealing with 100x what I’m dealing with! The way I see it, guilt is a common side effect of motherhood, but it is NOT one I have to let stay with me. It’s one I’m fighting every day, and one I am not going to let win. You are not a bad mom! You love your kids and you’ll do whatever you can for them – and that’s all that matters.

    I know it seems like just another thing to add to an overloaded life… but I’m gonna suggest seeing a therapist. Your words sound like my thoughts did last winter, and seeing someone every week to talk was WONDERFUL. Husbands are great and they do what they can, but my sadness was wearing on him too and he needed a break from being my sounding board.

    I’ll be up in EG next week… if you need a few hours off shoot me a text! 🙂

  15. Holding you close and praying for you, that you would feel the comfort of Christ and communion with Him through all of this in ways that would be otherwise impossible without this adversity. And may one day He use even this for good.. in and through you…and I am confident He will. He SO will… xo

  16. *Kayce* You’re in my prayers and will stay there until you don’t need them so urgently any more. Your body will heal in it’s own time,and when you’re able to be off the pain meds, call me (msg me on Facebook and I’ll give you my phone number) because I induced lactation and successfully breastfed a baby I didn’t even give birth to, and hadn’t given birth in 11 years. You CAN breastfeed later on. I’ll help you. (Do pump when you’re able.) Right now just get better. Your baby will be fine. You have not failed, you’ve taken a detour and apparently God has been right there with you, or you wouldn’t even BE here. I’m praying for you sister!

  17. Feeling like a failure as a mom….yep, I can relate. When I entered into Motherhood my entire body revolted. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I couldn’t nurse my son and I didn’t know why and of course you feel like a failure because your body doesn’t work they way you had planned. When my second son entered into life, it was the same thing. Long story short, I had an auto-immune disorder of my glands but I wasn’t diagnosed until several years later. My body just broke down further as the years went by. I couldn’t even make a simple sandwich for my kids at lunch because I was so filled with pain and fatigue. I lived through doctors appts., supplements, physical therapy, holistic treatments, restrictive diets, you name it, I did it treatments. I was desperate to be well so I could be the wife and mom that I thought the Lord wanted me to be; you know the kind, a healthy one. But God…He had a plan for me, my husband, and my sons as we lived through those 10 long years of living through debilitating health. I’ve really only known motherhood from a failure standpoint. I’m a recovering type A personality and I must tell you, Kayse, I read your post with tears in my eyes because I know the emotional pain that you are referring to. The pain that deceives you and lies to you, because your God and my God have a much better plan than what you and I could ever imagine for our lives. Beauty from ashes is my life today and I believe in time you will come to that same conclusion for your own life, although you can’t see it right now. Just the other day I told my husband I felt like a constant failure no matter how intentional I am to pursue the Lord and prioritize my life. His response went something like this: “Do you know how diamonds are made? Through pressure. God has placed so many trials in your life to fashion you into a diamond.” That sounds a lot like your road right now, Kayse. But in that refiner’s fire that you’re experiencing, you’re going to come out with a deeper faith and appreciation for life that wasn’t obtainable through other ways. God knows that. He knows what we need to draw us closer to Him so we will fully trust in Him. When our health is gone, so is our control. I used to be a control freak, but not anymore, and I’m so glad for that! I used to be self-sufficient but my ill-health forced me to rely on others- this dependence led way to me becoming God-dependent. Yes, my flesh had major issues with all of this but looking back God really did answer my prayers when I said I wanted to be more like Him. My spirit is thankful for all that I’ve gone through because I’ve realized God had a purpose for all of my pain. Don’t lose heart in what your Savior is doing in your life, Kayse. You’re the apple of His eye and the Great Physician can heal you in a heart beat. Like the woman with the issue of blood, keep reaching for the hem of His robe. Trust His plan with what He’s doing in your life. I don’t write much on dealing with chronic illness because it still brings me to tears, however, it’s part of my story so I share it to bring Christ glory. I wrote a series on living with chronic illness and perhaps what I shared in it will minister to you and equip you in your journey. http://joleneengle.com/in-sickness-and-in-health-dealing-with-chronic-illness-in-marriage/

  18. Miss Kayse –

    Oh miss. There are so many blessings draped about this story, right? I know it’s hard, and I don’t mean to sound trite, but focus on those things.

    After 15 hours of excruciating labor, I had an emergency C-section 10 years ago. And when I asked my neonatal nurse friend what the intercom code meant that the doctor shouted, she wouldn’t tell me. Basically, that was the night that my husband came to know the Lord — the night both myself and my son almost didn’t make it. And then a few days later and just before we were due to leave the hospital, a nurse found something strange in my son’s heartbeat. To make a long story short, he had 3 holes in his heart! My recovery and his recovery were so consuming too. Neither chugged along as I had planned

    And a few years ago I suffered a concussion the night before my husband had to leave for a new job… ended up that I cracked my skull. Someone had to stay with me and my son for weeks and then I still was unable to drive for a month or more. Other people washed my laundry and folded my underwear! That is what about did me in! Humility, aye?

    Please know that you are a much loved daughter of the King of kings… and look at all these princess sisters that are rallying around you and yours!


  19. I’m praying for you, sweetie. Lord Jesus, we come together and ask in your all powerful name for miraculous and quick healing for Kayse’s body. Lord, please restore her to optimal health and assure her in every way that this season does not in any way reflect on her abilities as a woman, mother or wife. Lord, draw her close and love on her tenderly in the ways that only you can. Reassure her that you are here with her and her family in every step. Remind her that in ALL things you work together for good, for those who love you.

    Sweet girl, I’m thanking God you were such a firm advocate for your health and that you had a doctor take you serious. Know that you are loved and being prayed for by countless people.

  20. Dearest Kayse,

    I do not read your blog regularly although I have read a few posts in the past, but I wish right now that I could just drive to wherever you live and give you a big hug.

    Your story sounds a lot like mine. I had a csection with my son that landed me in the ER twice after he was born with severe infections and severe anemia. While I did not have the blood clot issues, they did a CT scan to check and I was terrified that it was going to happen to me. I too was trying to nurse round the clock while on medication and my son refused to nurse for the first three weeks. All of this threw me into some severe postpartum depression and anxiety, intrusive thoughts about my baby, and I couldn’t sleep without feeling like I couldn’t breathe and I was having nightmares and panic attacks. It took me 6-8 weeks before the fear and anxiety subsided and I could really begin to care for my own child.

    Our situations are different, I know, so I’m not pretending to know exactly what you are going through – but they are similar enough that I felt like I needed to share with you.

    I will never have a beautiful “on the night you were born” experience and looking back on that time of my life still nearly brings me to tears (he’s three now).

    So know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Rest as much as possible. It’s okay to grieve and be angry and feel like a failure and process this in your own way, however long it takes. (This is totally un-asked for advice but I needed therapy and counseling to “get over” what happened to me and I didn’t come to full acceptance of it until he was six months old – and I still have moments where it gets to me – so counseling may be something you want to keep in the back of your mind for the future.)

    I wish I could tell you why you had to go through this and how to best deal with it but what I learned is that God used it in my life and I just had to deal with it in my own way.

    If you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to email me at [email protected]

    1. Sorry for the above – posted on accident…

      Oh, friend. I am so sorry. I can’t imagine going through all of that at once. (I had meningioencephalitis – sp? – encephalitis and meningitis at the same time – and it’s a miracle I survived w/few residual effects…so that part I can relate to…that was a hard thing to wrap my mind around for years afterwards.)

      I have not had life go the way I’d “planned” – since I turned 22. Not mothering, not marriage. And it’s been so, so hard. One thing after another, year after year. But if I can offer you one assurance…now as I’m finally, finally coming out on the other side, God will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten (you knew I was going to say that – but it’s TRUE!!!). Joel 2:25. He sees your broken heart. He knows all you’ve been through. And He will make good on all His promises.

      Tell Him how you feel – and take the time to mourn this – because while the outcome was and is just beautiful – it is a loss of the dream you had for how things would go. Whatever that mourning looks like to you it’s important to work through it. It’s one of those things you have to go straight through in order to heal – not over or around. (Although sometimes that might seem easier!) And surround yourself w/people who understand that part.

      Love you friend!!

  21. Hang in there. You will get through this. God has got you in the palm of his mighty hand.

  22. Dear one… I can’t begin to imagine your pain. But He does. And so I’m continually carrying you to Jesus…

    I do understand a bit of what you’re going through with the nursing issue. My oldest quit nursing at 7 months and I struggled with so much guilt. Then she started losing weight because I wasn’t able to pump enough. And we had to put her on formula. And I hated it. It’s okay to mourn the loss of something precious like breastfeeding. But please don’t blame yourself.

    Because you know what, friend? You’re not a failure. You’re still alive. That is a huge accomplishment right now. And you have sisters all over the world praying for you right now. Praying away the pain, praying you back to health, praying for a peace that passes all understanding this Christmas.

    A post of Zohary’s really ministered to me this week…and I think you might like it, too: http://zoharyross.com/mary-christmas/

    Holding you close in prayer right now. <3

  23. Kayse, you know I love you. And I am praying for you.
    A wife and mom is not supposed to do all those things you are tormented by first and foremost–first she has to know herself before her Lord, and be. Be with Him, them, and face herself. She has to entrust her entrusted back to Him. He is caring for your family; they are each resilient.
    His grace is sufficient to fill and cover those aches of failure and heartache. Lie in that hammock. Resist the distractions and worldly medications to your soul; empty this valley of all the meaning and grace He quietly offers. You are not crazy. You are not a failure. You are grieving. You are scared. And our weakness expresses His strength.
    Love you. Wish I could give you a huge hug right now.

  24. “I will satisfy the weary soul and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25

    I am praying for you and I’m going to ask you to be as gentle with yourself as you would a dear friend going through this. It’s so hard to take help from others and feel like you can’t (________) – I remember being on partial bed rest and 8.5 months pregnant with my youngest when we moved. It was hard to rely on other people when I wanted to do it myself. God is always able. He loves you and while this valley seems deep and dark, He’s right there with you for every step. ((((hugs))))

  25. Sending prayers your way. No advice b/c I don’t even know what to say. I want to say not to blame yourself about all of the sitting b/c you were trying to feed your baby – and chances are you are not the most sedentary person after surgery ever and you still got the blood clot and OHMYGOSH yes that is often fatal – pregnancy and post-partum is a high risk time for those – but I know telling a mom not to feel guilty is like talking to a brick wall (from personal experience there!). Just so so glad you are alive and recovering – maybe this is putting you in a position to help someone else somewhere along the way – hugs! Robin

  26. Kayse, Still praying for you for healing and restoration. Sometimes, all we can do is let go and let God. (I know; it doesn’t help the feelings of disappointment and feeling that you’re letting others down.) You are strong, and you are an encourager. I don’t have a specific verse, except John 14 (the whole chapter). It’s my “comfort” chapter.

  27. Elizabeth says:

    I am praying for you, Kayse. Three months after my second daughter was born, I found myself struggling with a bladder infection, mastitis, thrown-out back and a 15-month old who was developmentally behind and couldn’t walk. None of it was as life threatening as your illness, but I was incapacitated as a mother and wife.
    The choice to start formula was agonizing, as I hoped this would be my “redemption” nursing experience. The good news is God never abandoned me — and both my daughters have grown up to be healthy and happy.
    It is so tempting to blame yourself, somehow, for this mess — but the truth is, it happened because we live in a sinful world. God’s grace covers it all and He is covering you now. Even when you don’t know what to pray; don’t even want to pray. When the Word is just dry words on a page — Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” He is close to you today. Blessings

  28. Loretta Musser says:

    Oh, my dear girl, my heart goes out to you as you walk through this valley. Please do not blame any of this on yourself….none of this is your fault. God has a plan for you and though we may never understand why He has allowed this to happen, know that He has your good in mind. This verse from Jer. 29:11 has been precious to me..”For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Also these beautiful words from Isaiah 43:1,2…”But now thus saith the Lord that created thee and formed , O Kayse,(my emphasis) Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” I know this is not how you planned for things to go and it is disappointing that you can’t nurse your precious baby and it is hard to be so weak physically. But this is the place that God has you right now and He will mske away for you! I encourage you to give your disappointments over to God. Just tell Him exactly how you feel…He already knows…and continue to trust Him. Praying for you and your family.

  29. Oh, friend…my heart breaks for you right now. In our earthly circumstances our lives look very different, but on the narrow path – the only one God leads us to, we look very much the same. Feeling like a failure because our view of how life should turn out has been shattered. My heart longs for you to experience the truth in Christ…that He is more gracious with you than you are with yourself. He loves YOU and He loves Nathan. He designed him, he designed you and decided that you were the best choice for him…and him for you. Since we are most perfect when our weakness is transformed by His strength, He’s showing you you can’t…so that He can, through you. I’ve been on this road SO many times, each time releasing more and more of ME so He can show me who I in Him really am in return. It’s been really hard…really, really painful…but I know, because I trust Him…really, really good. I wish I was closer to help in the tangible ways…the dirty diaper, sleepy mommy, play with toddler kind if ways I always needed in those moments too. Transformation is messy and tiring but hang in there my friend..it is so, so good. God’s grace extends beyond breastmilk…isn’t that good! Love you…praying for you today 🙂

  30. Kayse I can’t believe all that you’ve been through these past few weeks. You are an amazing mom and though you feel like a failure right now just know that you are not. God left you here to continue to be a blessing to others and be a mom to Nathan and Emily. This is just another chapter in your story. One day I know everything you are going through will help someone else.

  31. So thankful that answers came and that – yes – you are still here! Praying for healing and relief… physically, spiritually, emotionally! Praying that the Breath of God will fill your lungs and strengthen and uplift you! Praying for the littles and your hubby and extended friends and family who are able to be right there in the flesh with you and for you!

    May you find He is doing Miracles all around you!

  32. Sweet lady, my heart breaks for the journey you are on. I’m praying for comfort & direction for you. When I was on a similar journey, The Lord lead me to do a study on David. A man after God’s heart, called to greatness, yet for years was in the wilderness…feeling small, and forgotten. Remember he cried out to God asking why was God forsaking him!? I did Beth Moore’s personal reflection study on David. The other thing I want to say is that I’m pretty sure you’d be in line to help a fellow sister who was in need – and even encourage HER to receive…well, that’s what community is about. God is revealing that it’s just as honoring to receive than to give. Those surrounding you are following the Biblical principal of “bearing one another’s burdens”. Rest, my friend – this too shall pass. You are in my thoughts.

  33. First of all, PRAISE GOD for the MIRACLE He did by letting the clot pass through your heart!!! But, as King David made painfully clear, praising God doesn’t always ease our pain.

    Know you’re not alone. I feel you. I do. I live with chronic pain, and there have been times (especially during and shortly after pregnancies) when I have been completely incapacitated. I still can’t function daily at the level at which I expect myself to function. My man has to do all the dishes and much of the cleaning. I cannot bend too much or go outside in non-mild weather or even eat a normal American diet without becoming extremely ill. I’ve struggled with breastfeeding issues with all of my kids, too, and before my youngest, the longest I nursed was 4 months, and never exclusively.

    It is HARD! But it’s also temporary. You know that the Lord won’t allow you to suffer beyond what you can endure. He’s already lined up help – which means all that stuff you can’t do right now has already been planned out. You need to give yourself permission to take this time to HEAL and let God do the rest. Even though this may be the hardest test you ever have to pass.

    Remember 2 Corinthians 4:16 – “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” Your body sucks right now, but you can be assured that Christ is still working within you. Yes, He’ll bring physical healing. But more importantly, He can use this moment of weakness to make His strength known within you. Let Him speak to you in the quiet moments. When you’re trying to sleep but can’t, when you’re alone because the pain is more than you can bear, when everyone is busy doing for you what you wish you could do yourself, when the bottle you’re feeding the baby tells you you’ve failed… in these moments, Jesus is right there beside you, whispering how much He loves you, waiting to wipe away your tears.

    Blessings and prayers sent your way!

    P.S. Human Milk 4 Human Babies helps match mamas and babies with donors. I believe they have a facebook page for pretty much every state.

  34. Aww…you have been through a lot in the last 5 weeks Kayse! It can be so hard when things don’t go the way we had hoped/planned. Please know that it is ok to “grieve” what should have been such a happy and joyous event. You have been through a lot in a short time and still have a ways to go, and it is normal to feel like the dreams you had have been broken. And on top of that your hormones are still all out of whack!! God understands and still loves you even when you don’t know what to pray or feel inspired to read the Bible. Give yourself some time, try to enjoy the little moments of snuggling and laying with your children and don’t stress over not being able to do everything. People are happy to help to…wish I lived close so I could help you!! Praying for you…HUGS!!

  35. Matthew Jacobson posted on for the family a couple days ago about 10 reasons mom is a 10. In it, he said something like this: the enemy dosent want moms to succeed. They are discipling and doing Gods work. So he wants to attack moms both physically and emotionally to keep them from accomplishing their goals. I have been sick almost non-stop since giving birth to my third son 7 months ago. I believe this is what is happening to me also. I am weak, I am short tempered, I am not raising my children in the ways of Lord because I am so focused on what’s going wrong with me and what a burden raising these boys feels like at this moment. I am so. Wrong. I need the Lords help more now than ever and going to Him to express my shortcomings and the areas where I am being attacked, begging for His provision is the only way. Jesus’ name has power and in Jesus’ name, I want to pray for us both. That the enemy leave us alone, for healing and for us to bring God the glory during this battle. Amen.

  36. Beautiful. I know it’s been difficult but you are doing what you need to do for your family even if you don’t think you are. They need you to survive this and heal!!! You are meant for great things sweetie. You just are. Call/text/email any time 🙂

  37. The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still. Exodus 14:14
    Praying big prayers for you!

  38. I almost died from bilateral PE’s in 2008. For awhile it wrecked me in a bad way- anxiety, fear, unsettled ness. But when I was able to process it all (near death experiences are a lot to process) it was the best thing to ever happen to me. It brought us closer as a family and my relationship with God was completely transformed. There is a reason He decided it wasn’t your time- ask Him to reveal that to you. The journey of healing physically is long and I still take Coumadin every day. This is a time to lean into Jesus and to know that there is nothing you did to cause it. Just ask Him what all He wants you to learn during this time and he will be faithful to answer. Love and hugs and if you need to talk I am here, my God sized dreaming friend.

  39. Praying praying praying sweet friend and wishing I was closer and could come and just share some space with you. I am so sorry this has happened but praising God for protecting you when He did!! Know you have been on my heart for days and I will continue to ask for complete healing for you!!

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