The One Thing Our Kids Need From Us
Emily started gymnastics a few weeks ago. So, once a week, for one hour, we trek to the gym and watch her somersault and jump and have a blast.
This last week, as we were driving away from the gym, I asked Emmy what her favorite part of gymnastics was that day.
She quickly replied, “The balance beam! But you didn’t see it because you were on your phone.”
To be fair, I had seen it. And I cheered her on and gave her a thumbs up through the window, and prayed when she held up the entire line of preschoolers behind her when she refused to take another step.
But at one point, somewhere in that hour, she looked over at me and saw me looking at my phone.
What I learned from that tiny little interaction with my daughter, is that despite her independence and strong will, she still needs me. She knows it. And she wants me to know it.
So often, I look around at things online and start feeling like I don’t quite measure up. Like I should be more than I am, for my kids. Never in the history of the world have moms been so bombarded with images of all the things we could be doing. Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook… Everything is there for us to see. I love the fact that we can share in each other’s lives through social media, but it’s so very easy to get caught up in comparison and guilt as we take in someone else’s highlight reel.
The fact of the matter, though, is that my kid doesn’t care if I throw her the Pinterest-perfect birthday party, or take the perfect picture of us reading together.
All she cares about is that I watch her walk (albeit slowly) across the balance beam.
So today, let’s do something. Let’s walk away from it all, for a day, and remember what’s truly important.
Let’s leave Pinterest alone for the day. Let’s stop adding to our to-do lists and start enjoying the freedom of margin in our real lives.
Let’s refuse to click on that Instagram notification. You know the mess of real life doesn’t often get shared there anyway.
Let’s step back from the Facebook conversations. Let’s read our kids a story that’s filled with adventure instead of reading about what that other mom had for lunch today.
Momma, you don’t need social media to tell you everything you’re not. No, you are right where you are supposed to be. You have already been given everything you need to be the mom you want to be. The mom He wants you to be. The mom He’s made you to be.
Don’t try to be anyone else. Your kids need YOU.
You, with your off-key singing and your burnt cookies and your late arrival to church every week.
You, with your crumb-dusted floor and your piles of laundry and your sink full of dishes.
You, with your tired smile and your open arms and your daily “I love you”s.
Here’s the thing. God doesn’t expect you to be Pinterest-perfect. Your kids don’t expect you to be Pinterest-perfect.
Don’t expect yourself to be.
All they expect is that you’ll show up. Put your phone down. Give them a thumbs up through the glass. All our kiddos want from us, IS US. They want to know that when push comes to shove, we’ve chosen them, and we’re so very happy with our choice.
That’s enough, momma. The fact that you are trying your best, and leaning on Jesus for the rest? It’s enough.
You know how much you love those scrubby little patience-testers?
Our Heavenly Father loves you even more than that. Right where you are.
Nope, you’re not perfect. But you’re His. And those kiddos? They are yours.
And that’s enough.
Do you know a mom who needs to hear this today? Share this post with her!
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Kayse Pratt serves Christian women as a writer + designer, creating home + life management resources that help those women plan their days around what matters most. She’s created the most unique planner on the market, helped over 400 women create custom home management plans, and works with hundreds of women each month inside her membership, teaching them how to plan their days around what matters most. When she’s not designing printables or writing essays, you’ll find Kayse homeschooling her kids, reading a cheesy novel with a giant cup of tea in hand, or watching an old show from the 90’s with her husband, who is her very best friend.
Thank you for this. It was needed today ??
It’s so true. And phones have become somewhat of an addiction. And when you’re a working mother it’s hard to shut off. I even find my 1 year old tugging my phone out of my hand. She already knows the tie I have to it. We’re trying to be mindful of how often they see us with them. I must say, it’s been hard.
I am on the tail end of parenting 12 children. My ten year old is the end.. I don’t know your daughter’s heart but don’t let her guilt you. Even if you feel guilty don’t acknowledge it in front of her. If she’s correct you could say, you know I shouldn’t have been on my phone or whatever. And you don’t feel guilty, there are a million ways to screw up motherhood. : )) If your wrong ask forgiveness and go on. And if none of this fits, ignore it! Praying for you and enjoying reading your works. In Him Lori
I really have to be aware of this because I have such a “doer” personality and tend to get so caught up in my to-do list. I never regret spending time with my kids but I always regret my attitude at the end of the day when I realized all I did was tell them “Not now, Mommy’s busy.” Thanks for the reminder to just be present in the moments.
I know for my boys, they feel so loved and important when I put aside my to-do list (which is never ending) to just sit down and build LEGOs with them. I think I’ll go do that now, in fact. Thanks for the encouragement!
Oh how I wish my kids were little again! My boys are 29 (married, not at home), 21 and 18 (both are still at home). Sadly, the days really do fly by! Although I do read a few blogs (obviously!), I don’t do Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. I am busy enough as it is, why add more stuff to it? Pretty much the only thing I do on my phone is texting – can you believe I have no games on it? When I have free time, I read. There’s nothing like curling up with a good book! I don’t watch T.V. either (I know I’m an oddball!). If I could have a do-over, I would not worry as much about keeping a clean house, play more on the floor with them, maybe go outside more. But, we’re mom’s and we’re not perfect either! Just do the best each day and go on.
Raising my children and going to all the gym classes, soccer, band and cheerleading were the best years of my life. I was always with them, but I would do a lot of socializing with the other mothers so I would miss a flip or a goal once in awhile. I would cheer and yell and be in the moment most of the time I was with them. You guys are still doing fine. They will forget you weren’t watching that one second they looked up and love you and proud of themselves when they see you are cheering them on the next time. I have trouble right now getting this same excitement with my step grandchildren and that is where my guilt comes in. I love them dearly. But I feel I gave my all my early years and I am ready to stay home and read, garden and yes, clean my house. (strange as it is, I like to clean and rearrange furniture and decorate.) I know it is all going to be fine though, I will get all done eventually because they all grow up way to fast. Like Dori says,”keep on swimming”.
Kayse,
You are quite insightful and profound. You have a gift of observation that few writers have, and the skills to convey your feelings and ideas in an engaging way. So many women, mom or not, feel immense pressure to keep up with our own emails, texts, various social media accounts, work responsibilities, and homes– all this while we try to enhance relationships with the people in our lives. Who doesn’t compare their life to the photographs on social media? The pressure! We should step back a minute. Reevaluate.
Trying to be transparent with readers, while also maintaining your personal identity is surely difficult. Thank you for your insights! They are always Right On Time for this chick.