Big dreams, small businesses, and motherhood
About five years ago, I went to a writing conference with a book proposal in my hand and hope in my heart.
I wanted to be a writer. With everything in my heart, I wanted to write a book that would change lives and point people to Jesus and jumpstart my career.
As a result of that weekend, I got an agent and a book deal. For a very real book that a very real publishing house really wanted me to write.
So, I wrote that book. It was about faith and grief and what we do when life doesn’t turn out the way we planned, and I poured my heart and soul and tears into it.
But something wasn’t right about it. I felt it, and the publisher felt it, and after Nathan was born, they asked if I could rewrite it to include the story of the aftermath of his birth. (It is a pretty good story.)
I couldn’t do that then. I almost died as a result of Nathan’s birth, and recovery was the hardest thing I’d done in my life. I was so sick, I couldn’t even pick up my babies, or, you know, move at all without excruciating pain, so re-writing a book simply wasn’t on the list of things that I could do at that point in my life.
We all agreed that it just wasn’t the right time for that book, and that was that.
No more book.
Devastated is a pretty appropriate word for how I felt about the whole thing. Why would the Lord seemingly say yes to my BIG DREAM, only to say no a year later? I didn’t understand it.
In the few years since, my agent helped me rework the book and pitch it a few more times, but every single time, something hasn’t been right. Either not right for a publisher, or not right for me, and it just never happened. I never landed another book deal.
That big dream of mine that I was so very sure the Lord had called me to, was just that – a dream, not a reality.
But something else happened in these last few years, too. In this time, I’ve watched friends land book deals and struggle to balance the demands of a publisher with the demands of their family. I’ve seen how launching a book requires travel and speaking engagements and time away from your kids.
I’ve also seen how I handle work as a mom. I know now how laser-focused I can get when I’m working on a project I’m excited about, to the point where my house and family can completely fall apart. I know how much time it takes for me to write words that really mean something, and I’ve realized how much time that takes away from my family. I know my own limits and strengths and weaknesses so much better now than I ever did five years ago.
And I think maybe my dreams have changed.
I still really want to write a book, don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be a published author and walk into Barnes and Noble and see my name on the cover of a book that tells people about Jesus and changes lives for Him.
But I’m realizing that there are two tiny people right here who already carry my name every day. Two tiny people who need to hear about Jesus every day.
Two tiny lives that maybe He can change by using me.
And that’s a huge job. Serving and encouraging my husband, and caring for our home, and raising our kids to know and love Jesus – that is already a GIANT job that feels too big for me. My personality is introverted and highly sensitive and easily overwhelmed. And my children are extroverted and emotional and overwhelmingly loud.
But they are my children. And I love them with every inch of me.
If I’m going to spend my energy anywhere, if I’m going to be telling anyone about Jesus, if I have any place to serve, it’s HERE.
Here, at home, with my children and my husband and my God. Working out our faith in the quiet of early morning hours, and the loudness of family dinners. In apologies and forgiveness and relationship. Real life. Real faith. Right here.
I don’t write this to tell you that writing a book, or pursuing a dream, or building a business is wrong. It’s not! If that’s where God’s calling you, and you’re equipped to handle the extra responsibilities that those things bring, then I’m right over here, cheering you on.
But friend, if you feel like you’re standing around getting left behind while you watch all your friends start businesses, or write books, or chase a dream of their own, I want to encourage you.
You are right where you are supposed to be. You are doing good, hard, important work right here in your own home. There are people here to serve, and they need you. Anyone can write books or sell leggings or start an online empire, but you are the only wife your husband has.
You are the only momma your babies have.
If I am sure of anything, I am sure of this: God has put us right where we are for His own purposes. We are called first to our families, to the people God has already given us, to share His good news, to encourage, to build up, to serve.
This is the good work. And you are the one chosen to do it.
So friend, if you’ve got a dream in your heart, but you feel like caring for your family, serving your husband, and raising your children is just about all you can handle right now, I’m here to tell you that IT’S OKAY.
It’s okay if your BIG DREAM is delayed to make room for the dream that’s sitting around your kitchen table tonight.
It’s okay if your few minutes of free time are spent sleeping or reading or doing something that fills and refreshes you, instead of “hustling” a little bit more.
It’s okay if you can’t seem to handle as much as your friend who does this, or your friend who does that. Who cares? Only you and your husband can know what works for you and your family. You do that.
It’s also okay if you cry sometimes because you want to be doing something bigger. Something better. Something else. Sometimes that BIG DREAM seems a whole lot more important (and maybe a little easier, if we’re honest) than motherhood, a whole lot more exciting than dinner and dishes and diapers and disappointment. I get that. I’ve shed more than a few of those tears myself.
But friend, do not be fooled. This work, the work of serving our husbands and raising our babies, it is important.
It is your calling.
And I’m finding that it’s here, in the messy, exhausting work of family life, where God does the hard, necessary work in my own heart as well. This is where He teaches me patience, and repentance, and forgiveness. Where He reminds me to slow down, to value people over productivity, and to remember that He is my rest when I’m weary.
I still have a big dream, and maybe someday that dream will become a reality. But right now, I will serve the Lord by serving my family. I will write short blog posts instead of long books, as I’m able. I will keep my focus here at home, because here at home is where He’s placed me.
And that’s not only okay, that’s enough.
If this post encouraged you, would you share it using the pink buttons below?
Kayse Pratt serves Christian women as a writer + designer, creating home + life management resources that help those women plan their days around what matters most. She’s created the most unique planner on the market, helped over 400 women create custom home management plans, and works with hundreds of women each month inside her membership, teaching them how to plan their days around what matters most. When she’s not designing printables or writing essays, you’ll find Kayse homeschooling her kids, reading a cheesy novel with a giant cup of tea in hand, or watching an old show from the 90’s with her husband, who is her very best friend.
I love this post. It’s the post I needed 20 years ago when my oldest was about a year old, and it felt like my dreams were so far out of reach, they may as well have been on the moon. I remember crying to my husband when I told him in a fit of anger, sure it was fine for HIM to tell me I’d have time for my dreams later, but he wasn’t the one that was going to have to wait 20 years. As it turned out, it was a little over 19 years before my very first fiction book was published. But, here’s the thing, the truth is I couldn’t have written the book I did back then. I don’t know that I would have been ready. What I do know is that it would have been very easy for me to ignore my boys in favor of my writing career. This past spring my youngest graduated from high school. He and his older brother will be off to school in the fall, and the timing is just right now when it wouldn’t have been before. Sometimes, when God says what seems like a no, it’s actually a “not right now.” Thanks for sharing your heart! 🙂
Thank you for this post! I am struggling with my extremely busy public service job. My kids are 6 and 8 and I know sharing God’s word and God’s love is most important right now. Thank you for your encouraging post.
Kayse, this is well said and timely! I am way ahead of in age, but I have had to learn to wait, to see what is my gift to share in any specific time and place. God has been with me in so many times of hurt, loss, raising 3 children and see them raising theirs, and finally being able to look back and see how He helped me learn to “bloom where I’m planted”! Keep up your good work of encouraging by being real with people!
This is so good! I needed to read this today. I’m pretty good at hustle, but sometimes hustle over the four little people I care for. Oh, and my husband too. What a good reminder that sometimes, it’s ok to publish the blog post on Tuesday instead of Monday. The world isn’t going to end. The world can wait. They can’t. P.s. I’m also an introvert with loud rambunctious kids!
Wow! This is a great post, and it definitely spoke to where I am *at this second*.
Your brother directed me to your blog (he shared it in the dojo), and I’m so glad he did.
Thank you for your insight. Definitely a needed reminder for me.
Kayse, Thank you for this. It is a lesson God is continually teaching me…one I needed to hear again today. Thank you for being the one to remind me.
God makes all things good. You never know how your current season in life is preparing you for a dream God is excited to make happen, in His time. Thank you so much for sharing this!
This is so encouraging! Thank you!
This is such an encouraging read and just what i needed to read today. Thank you.
I agree with you Kayse.
I struggle with this too. I feel torn between my talents and my passions, and my family. While I know God has called me to do good work and contribute financially to our family needs; I also know that God has called me to my family. As a gal who waited all of her Bible College years and most of my twenties to find my husband, and one who was told I was likely infertile: the gift of my husband and children is always in my awareness.
It’s a strange battle to have a dream fulfilled (my marriage and children) and still long for something else. In my case, I have found there is much more pride in my personal ambitions than I knew I was capable of.
I was used to excelling, to being organized (and known for it) and used to accolades before I became a mother. I feel like part of my dream is because God does have some of that in my future, but the other aspect is to draw me in to God’s presence. To bring me to confession and awareness of my need for grace.
May we all be drawn to God’s heart and his vision for us in each season, and that all that we do (long, grieve, hope, trust) bring glory to God.
Kayse, excellent truth beautifully said!!! God thought the home and family so important that He placed His only Son in one and left Him there, basically in obscurity, until He was 30! I so totally agree with your encouragements to moms presented here. And, I also am a firm believer that there are SEASONS in a woman’s life. Just because it doesn’t happen Now does not mean it will never happen. And when it does happen later, you will be better prepared to do it for the Lord’s Glory.
Blessings,
Wendy Gunn
http://www.wendygunn.net
Faiths Firm Foundation
I love this post SO much, Kayse! Sometimes, being a SAHM doesn’t feel like enough of a contribution when the money is tight, you see friends buying dream homes, or taking vacation after vacation. But we each need to remember our days rearing children are just as valuable as a paycheck. We all go through seasons of unsettledness and need Jesus to remind us He’s going through it with us too!
Kayse–I absolutely LOVE this post! You said it all SO well. It is easy to forget the mission field we have right in our own homes, and try to pursue those opportunities that seem bigger or more important. Great reminder and perspective!
Another thought to go along with this: We need to realize that it’s okay to go through a grieving process when we let that big dream go and give ourselves the grace to do that grieving.
I think your post sat in your draft folder because God knew when we needed it!! Thank you for letting God speak to me through you. I have written and self published a book and written blog posts but haven’t gotten very far with it because I have 3 year old twins and just can’t keep up with everything. Today I have been feeling very discouraged especially when I just can’t seem to keep them occupied! Your post made me cry. It helped me to see that for now looking out for my husband and boys is about all that I can handle. If I get to more than that it’s a bonus! Thank you so much. You may never know how much some of us needed this today 🙂
Thank you so much for this!! I have been struggling with being “more” a lot lately and need to remember that what I have is enough and exactly where God wants me to be. Love your insights, thank you again!
This was SO encouraging, Kayse. I had the same dream, and self-published a book, but have another book that has been in the works for over 5 years now. That is the book I tried to sell to agents, etc… and I did have an agent for a time, but that fell through. I have long felt guilty that I didn’t follow through with something I told SO many people I was going to do. Honestly, it makes me feel like a failure. But I am like you – it would have consumed me. And I already know the demands of traveling and speaking and there was no way I’d want to increase that demanding schedule. Now I am in a new season and no longer have that same drive to write a book, but still I constantly feel guilty that I didn’t finish that one I started! Thanks for reminding me I’m not the only one, and that it is OK.
Kayse,
This was the perfect read for me! I have long struggled with the idea that what I want to do needs to be put on hold for my family. I will gladly choose family over anything else, and I always have! It gets hard when you see others that “have it all” and feel less because you can’t do more. When you see single mom’s that are required to do it all, or when people poke fun at you because your doing “oh, that family thing.” My husband reminds me that you don’t get these years back with your families. That when the children are grown and have their own things, you can have your own things too, and for more years than when the kids needed you. Meaning, they take up such a short time of your life, every second making sure that they will grow into Godly people and productive citizens is more important than anything else you could be doing.
Thank you for putting yourself out there and reminding all of us that this is right were some of us are called to be and that it is okay. We are, after all, living for His glory and no one else’s.
Filled with truth that so many of us need to hear! Thank you for sharing your heart and what the Lord has taught you. The sanctification of motherhood is hard work but it’s the best work. No pitchforks here! 🙂
Girl, preach it!! I needed this today and appreciate you sharing your heart with your readers. I’m grateful for you!!
Oh, my, YES. I went to a writing conference, too, tried to kick start s writing career, thought it was starting to go, then found out a month later I was pregnant and everything just stopped.
Man, letting those big dreams sit on a shelf is HARD. And yet I TOTALLY agree with you that serving my husband and my daughter is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Like you, I’m introverted, easily overwhelmed, and can get laser focused on projects. Most days I have to accept that only working on my blog and resume-writing business during naptime and after my daughter goes to sleep at night is as much as I can give right now. I love what I do, but being Momma and Wife will always come first.
Thank you for sharing your story. For risking, for being vulnerable, and for encouraging those of us who are RIGHT THERE with you. 🙂
Awesome post and so true. God’s timing is perfect!
This article is highly encouraging, even for someone who didn’t and doesn’t have big dreams beyond raising a family. I for one am grateful that the Lord has put you here. You see if you were a book author, I would likely have never read you. Though I have tried to love reading….I just do not. I would never have pick up your book, but I so love being encouraged by reading your blog! Thank you for faithfully writing, being genuine, and speaking truth.
Oh Kayse, how well you understand the struggle! Thank you so much for the encouragement.
Thank you so much for this post! Just the encouragement I needed to hear today. God is using you to speak life and help other moms, even if not through a book. Thank you so much for your real-ness!
I distinctly remember realizing that my dreams would have be put on hold while my kids needed me. I remember telling my husband how unfair it seemed that I had to wait THAT LONG while he could pursue his dreams. I think I may even have stamped my foot. Now my boys are almost 19 and 16, and I wonder how it could have gone by so fast! I look back at that 25 year old and how much I didn’t know and hadn’t experienced and realize what God already knew – I wasn’t ready then like I am now. There are seasons of life and it’s okay to BE in your season. I garden, and if I try to plant certain things too early, they don’t grow. They wither up or don’t bloom. Thanks for sharing this!
Beautiful illustration. Yes!! And thank you encouragement from the other side!
Oh my, did I need to read this today! Thank you for the encouragement to just keep on keeping on.
Amen, sister. Amen.
Kayse!!! I love this on SO many levels… I agree with you 100% and believe that God knows best how to use us to serve and support.
It’s SO important to embrace one’s seasons of life with intention and grace and know that THAT is the best season for you.
Thank YOU for taking this post out of your drafts folder and sharing it with us!